Final Fantasy XIII: Now with Truth or Dare!
by TheHunter747
Summary: The group are bored, and decide to play Truth or Dare. Chaos-and possibly hilarity-will ensue. Very slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Decided I quite like humour stories, so this is my third time writing in this genre. I make no apologies if you are offended by any of this. It's not end-game compliant, since Fang and Vanille are still there, but all the other original game's events still took place. This story takes place two years after the fall of Cocoon. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LIGHT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why isn't anyone saying anything? Isn't that the point of these reunion parties, Light?"

"Maybe it's cause no one has anything to say, Serah. Or Snow might have stunned them into silence with his stupidity, as usual."

"Sorry, Lightnin', but ah agree wit' Serah on this one. This is more boring than hunting Gorgonopsids in Oerba."

The mood of the party was definetely subdued, and that was making light of the situation. Once again, of course, Vanille came to the rescue.

"Well, why don't we play a game of some kind? Nothing too childish, but it's still fun to play games, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking card games, or-" "Oh, no, missy. We aint playing cards. 'Sides, you always cheat."

"I do not! And if you can think something better up, go ahead!"

This time, instead of Vanille or Fang making a suggestion, Hope threw in his two gils worth. "Why don't we play Truth or Dare? Except more grown up, and stuff?"

Lightning shrugged(which Hope knew meant yes), Serah thought it over, before agreeing, Snow agreed as soon as Serah did(whipped, was the word that came to Hope's mind unbidden), Sazh said he was game, and the two Pulsians both looked happy with the suggestion. Seeing that everyone agreed, Hope grabbed an empty bottle from the coffee table, gaining odd stares from the others.

"Why did you grab an empty bottle, Hope?"

"Well, I thought we could combine it with Spin the Bottle."

"Alrigh', this is gonna get confusin'. Hope, explain tha rules ta us."

"'Kay Fang. When it's your turn, spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, you ask them truth or dare."

"Oh, now I geddit. What's the punishment, then?"

"Punishment?" Serah sat there with a blank look on her face. Fortunately, Snow piped up. "The punishment is something a person has to do if they don't do the dare. It's also the one thing-at least in the adult version of the game, anyway-that a person cannot be dared to do. Other than that, any dare is fair game."

"Oh right! So wait, I can dare you to do anything but the punishment?"

"That's right Serah. So, Hope! What's our punishment?"

"Umm..." Hope floundered for a moment, until Lightning leaned and whispered something to him. Mouth agape, he turned to stare at the ex-soldier. "Light, that's horrible! Even I wouldn't wish that on Snow!"

"What up, peeps!" "Yo, homies, wheres the party at?" *THWACK* "Ouch..." "Behave, little dumbasses. Sorry to crash the party, but Serah asked us to come play Truth or Dare coupla minutes ago."

Sighing, Lightning motioned for Lebreau, Yuj, and Maqui to join the circle, moving to accomodate them.

"So, what's the punishment?"

"Umm... I just decided on it. It was Light's idea, though, so kill her, not me."

"Whatevs, Hope, jus' stop stallin' a'ready!"

Smiling at Maqui's impersonation of Fang, Hope smirked at them all. "The punishment is that you have to streak through New Bodhum. Sober."

"'Oly Chocobo Crap! Lightnin'! I didn' know you had tha sorta mean streak in ya!"

"Hope, you forgot the fact that the rest of us will be videotaping it."

"Oh right. Sorry guys."

Serah now looked a little out of her comfort zone, but still willing to play. Snow was reassuring her that if she ever did have to streak through New Bodhum, he would join her. Lightning and Hope were grinning like a pair of hoodlums, while Fang, Vanille, Sazh and NORA were placing bets on who would have to do the punishment first. "Ten to one it's Hope." Yuj muttered to his blonde friend. "You're on." was Maqui's response.

Placing the bottle in the middle, Hope looked at his friends. "Well, who wants to spin first?"

"Your idea, Hope. You spin first. Show us how to play."

Acknowledging Lightning with a nod, Hope reached into the centre and spun the bottle. Round and round it whirled, before finally settling on Lebreau, whose eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Uh... Truth or Dare, Lebreau?"

"I'll go with truth, Hope."

Not surprisingly, Maqui muttered something which sounded like 'pussy' under his breath. Lebreau's response was short and sweet. "I got more pussy right now than you'll ever get, Maqui."

"Ouch. Don't bury him before he's dead, Lebreau." Lebreau just shrugged Snow's comment off, before paying attention to Hope again.

"Um... have you ever... gotten so drunk you can't remember who you are the next morning?"

"Sure. Every Friday and Saturday night, Hope. You should join me sometime."

"Maybe I will. Your turn to spin."

Lebreau reached into the centre and spun the bottle. After a minute-Hope counted- the bottle finally stopped on Maqui.

"Ah, revenge is sweet. Truth or Dare, Maqui?"

"At the risk of being called a pussy myself, I'll go with truth."

"Good call, dude. No knowing what she'da dared ya to do."

"Alright, here's your question, Maqui. Are you a virgin?"

Snow spat out the drink he had just taken a deep, manly swig of, totally wrecking his image, but no one really noticed. Maqui blushed like someone had-well, like someone had just asked him if he was a virgin.

"Come on, Maqui. You could always just lie."

"No, I can't lie. Yes, I am a virgin. And deeply ashamed of myself right now. My turn."

Maqui's spin landed on Fang, who choose dare- the first dare of the night.

"Alright then. I dare you to, uh... oh! I know! I dare you to make out with Snow!"

And once again, Snow's drink sprayed all over the table. Only this time, Lightning, Hope, and Vanille all started sniggerring amongst themselves. Snow looked mortified, Serah's face matched her hair, and Sazh was doubled over with laughter. The rest of NORA started jeering and making catcalls at their boss. Fang stood up, walked round past Maqui, punching him on the shoulder as she did so, then proceeded to bodily lift Snow to his feet and smash her lips against his, causing him to open his mouth with shock. She leapt at the chance to be done with the dare, and proceeded to French him, before shoving him back to the ground and returning to her seat.

"You better hope like hell, mini-blonde, that I don't ever get to give you a dare, cause I will make you pay for that."

Maqui gulped, hoping he looked apologetic, and motioned for Fang to spin. She did, and the bottle landed on Sazh. "Truth or Dare, pilot-boy?"

"Truth. After what just happened, I'd be insane to accept a dare from you."

"Alright. How big is your meat?"

"Wha?"

All the other women at the table had started blushing, while all the guys were sniggering. Sazh put two and two together...and wound up with forty. "Oh no. No, no no no no no. I aint tellin' secrets like that!"

"Relax, Sazh. It's jus' a question. Which ah'm waitin' on the answer to."

"Alright, fine. If you must know, fourteen inches. Full-mast."

"Hot diggety damn! I found me a husband!"

And with Fang's comment, the others just stopped trying to contain their laughter, and started rolling around on the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HOPE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So, that's the first chapter. Good? Bad? Wanna hang me from a tree? Drop a review and let me know. Also, if you have questions for the group, or dares, send 'em to me in a review. Or a message, either works. Next chapter will be up soon, hopefully.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and faves! AssassinZAssassin, yes, I can see Fang daring someone to do that. Thank you for the suggestions! FFLightXHopeTifaXCloud, there will eventually be a bit of LightningXHope in the story, as I am a fan of the pairing. Forgot the disclaimer last time, but it's on my profile page. Enjoy! BTW, the story's rating is getting bumped up to M for nudity, sexual remarks/possibly scenes, etc. Thought I'd let you know!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SAZH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once everyone had stopped laughing long enough to draw breath, they managed to start the game up again. Sazh spun the bottle, and it stopped on Vanille.

"Truth or Dare, kiddo?"

"Um, truth, Sazh?"

"Alright. Have you and Fang ever slept together?"

"Well, when I was scared of the storms back in Oerba, she let me-"

"No, no, no. I mean 'slept' slept."

"Oh! Well, yes, yes I have."

Vanille's question answered, she reached for the bottle and spun it, waiting for it to stop. It finally stopped on Yuj.

"Well, well. I'll take the dare, Vanille."

"Alright, bluey. I dare you to, um... tell us the one person in this room you would be in a relationship with!" Vanille yelled the last few words triumphantly, pointing at Yuj and gloating. Yuj looked as though Titan had asked him to run a marathon. Fang was looking at Vanille with respect, while Snow, Serah and Lebreau were all sniggering. Maqui was looking at them, trying to figure out what was so funny.

"Uh...um..."

"If you don't wanna do the dare, do the punishment instead."

"No way, I'd be out 5000 gil! Fine, if I had to, it would be Maqui, okay!" His humiliation wasn't ended yet though, as the other members of NORA-bar Maqui, who sat looking shellshocked but oddly happy- started making catcalls while Yuj spun the bottle. It landed on Fang.

"Dare."

"Alright, I dare you to...proclaim your undying love for Lightning in front of us all."

For the third time that night, Snow's drink graced the coffee table with it's presence. Lightning looked ready to kill, and Fang seemed to think the whole thing was tremendously funny. Turning to Lightning, Fang took one of the soldier's gloved hands into her own, and got down on one knee.

"Oh, Lightning, words cannot express how happy you make me," Fang started while everyone else laughed their asses off, "Will you marry me?"

"No."

Everyone else laughed at Fang's ultimate rejection, and this time Lightning joined in. "Ya know, Sunshine, when someone asks ya to marry 'em, ya don't usually say no."

"Whatever. You're not my type. You got one limb too few."

After a few seconds, Hope was the first to understand what Lightning meant, and started laughing again. "Oh, Maker, Fang! You just got PWNED!"

The members of NORA, along with Serah, understood what Light meant, and even Sazh and Vanille figured it out eventually. Fang got it, too, and started sulking. She spun the bottle, and it landed on Snow.

"Heroes are brave, right guys? I'll take the dare, Fang."

"That...was dumb. Dumber than usual, Snow."

"Ah, cool your jets, Light. Alright ya big lunkhead. I dare ya to rip off Serah's clothes in front of us all!"

Lightning had Fang in a headlock as soon as her brain registered what Fang had said. "Take it back!" "Can't do that, Light. Once a dare's been given, it can't be changed." "Damn it, Snow, you aren't helping!"

Serah stood up at this point, and motioned to Snow to stand up too. "Alright. Snow, do the dare."

"Um... you sure, Serah?"

"Yes. Do the dare."

"Okay. If you're absolutely sure..."

Serah nodded, then motioned for Snow to get on with it before she changed her mind. Gripping the front of her shirt, Snow kissed her gently, before ripping the shirt off. Fang and Vanille both leaned in eagerly, earning themselves a punch from Lightning, Hope and Sazh had the decency to look away, Lebreau just looked as though it was nothing she hadn't seen before-which Lightning thought warranted further investigation- and Yuj and Maqui both got nosebleeds.

"Alright, they've done the dare! Snow, get my sister something to wear before I kill you, and Serah, why do you wear shirts that can be ripped off so easily?"

Snow rushed off to the wardrobe in his and Serah's bedroom, while Serah answered Light's question. "They're cheap, so they can be replaced easily. Also, it helps when Snow and me are a bit, well, frisky."

"Here you go, Serah!" Snow arrived back in the room to find Serah blushing, Light glaring at him, and everyone else trying to pretend they didn't exist. "Oh... guess you told her why, huh Serah?"

"She wouldn't have believed it if I'd lied! I'm sorry, Snow!"

"Nah, it's okay. My turn to spin, right?"

Snow spun, and this time it landed on Maqui, who immediately blurted out dare without thinking.

"Alright, I dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with Yuj, kid."

"What? No way, I can't do that!"

"It's that, or streak across New Bodhum, kiddo."

"Oh, damn you all to hell! You're all evil, you know that? EVIL!"

"Dude, calm down. It's not like we have to DO anything. Just sit in the closet for seven minutes, then we go back and you can be evil to someone. 'Kay?"

"Okay. Okay, I can do this. Open the closet."

Fang ever so graciously opened the doors of the giant closet. "Welcome to your boudiour, my good sirs." She said, mockingly curtseying in front of them, and making Hope, Snow and Lebreau laugh. The two teens walked in, and the doors were shut behind them. They heard a scraping sound, and correctly guessed that Fang had moved a chair in front of the doors.

"So..."

"Yeah... Heh heh. Guess this is where it starts to get awkward, right?"

"Yeah...Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"Which thing do you mean?" Yuj feigned ignorance, though he really had quite a good idea of what Maqui was meaning.

"About me being, y'know, the only one you'd have a serious relationship with?"

_'Oh god, here comes the awkward part'_ "Yeah. You probably know, but I'm gay."

"Really? I thought you were just a bit, well..." "Touched in the head?" "Kinda...maybe...yes?"

"Well, no, I'm gay. And as luck would have it, I've fallen for you. So, what are we gonna do about this?"

What Yuj wasn't expecting then was to feel Maqui's lips nervously press against his, slightly clumsily, but determined. Just when Yuj decided to kiss back, Maqui pulled away and whispered into his ear, "I guess I'll just have to...help you back up? Right?" Nodding slightly, Yuj's brain finally realized what was happening.

"Wait, does this mean that..."

"Yeah. I'm gay, too, but I just never wanted to admit it. Y'know, in case the others hated me for it. I kinda fell for you a few days after I started working with NORA, but I thought the others were joking when they said you were gay. I thought that they had realized I loved you, and were making fun of me. Teasing me, y'know?"

"Well... we still got," Yuj checked his luminous watch, "five minutes left. What should we do now?"

His question was answered when Maqui pressed their lips together again, except this time, all traces of nerves were gone. Yuj kissed back, and this time, Maqui didn't pull away.

~Five minutes later~

"A'right, boys, times up!"

"Go away!" came the simultaneous reply from inside the closet.

"That's it. Those are some good clothes in there, and I'll be damned if I let you two ruin 'em!"

Fang dragged the chair away, and opened the closet doors, causing Maqui and Yuj to fall out of it, lips still pressed together, a faint pink tinge colouring their cheeks at having been put on display by Fang.

"So, you two finally got over it, huh? Told each other how you really felt? Good for you." Lebreau's smile indicated that she was indeed happy for the pair, while Snow's eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Snow, did you...plan that?"

"Well, Lebreau and me had been plotting to get you two alone together for a while. The fact that you were kissing while falling out of the closet was just a bonus."

"Yeah? Well, thanks to you guys, I got a 'bonus' right now!"

Maqui smirked. "Oh yeah? Is it 'Yuj'?" That set the group off again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FANG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Dirty jokes ahoy! Also, thank god for euphemisms! Or however you spell it. Also, first real kiss of the story! Oh crap, it's a gay kiss. I'm gonna be burning from all the flames for this chapter. Still, maybe people will have some decency and realize that everyone is entitled to love whoever they wish. Also that this is my story and I'll write it the way I want! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, but I still need truths or dares for the group, so please send me them in a review! Or I'll sic Sephiroth on you! Mwahahaha!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Well, I'm back from hiatus! Did ya miss me? *tumbleweed rolls by, then reverses direction* Le sigh... Okay, then. Well, in the off chance anyone actually wants to read this, I'll post the next chapter. Insert witty disclaimer here, as I can't be buggered thinking of one right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~YUJ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maqui sat down and span the botle, eventually having it land on Lightning.

"Dare."

"I dare you and Hope to make out for at least twenty seconds."

Snow's drink-once again- graced the table with it's presence. Lebreau and Fang were having a drinking contest of sorts. Every time Snow spat out his drink, they downed a shot glass of vodka. Last one standing wins. Unfortunately, Lightning also spat out her drink in shock, while Yuj looked at his blonde boyfriend in slightly scared awe.

"Um, Fang? What if Lightning spits her drink out?"

The two women looked at each other. "Down the bottle." And they did. And there was many drunken antics between those two, but that is a different story entirely.

"Wow," was the response from Serah, Vanille and Sazh, "Even we didn't think you'd be that evil, Maqui."

"Hope. Blank your mind of the next twenty seconds." Lightning stood up, grabbed Hope, and kissed him.

"Uh uh, Light! Has to have tongue, or it doesn't count!"

'Damn it.' Lightning's inner monologue grumbled to herself, while the woman slipped her tongue into Hope's mouth-not, may it be noted, as reluctantly as was expected. This was made easier by the fact that Hope had apparently taken her advice in good stead, and blanked his mind entirely. Including, it seemed, how to breathe. Twenty seconds passed, but Lightning, silly woman that she was, had forgotten to start counting the seconds in her head. And it didn't seem like anyone was going to stop them anytime soon, either. Fang and Lebreau were drunk and...was that a slice of watermelon shoved between Fang's breasts?

'Okay. I did not need to see that. Shit, hasn't it been twenty seconds yet? Oh, to hell with it!' And so we come to the portion of the story where Lightning's rational mind says goodbye, and Claire-the awkward, responsible teenager who's never been kissed before- comes to the fore.

A full minute had passed before Maqui finally noticed, and told them to knock it off. Or in his own words, "Seriously, you can't show up me and Yuj!" Regardless, it stopped them. Hope was blushing redder than Behemoth blood, and Lightning's-or was it Claire's?- cheeks matched her hair.

"Uh...Light? You know how you told me to blank my mind for twenty seconds? Well...I did. And I counted the seconds. And then started paying attention again. After the first twenty seconds, I mean."

"That was more than twenty seconds? Maqui, I...why didn't you say something?"

"Uh...you looked so sweet together?"

"Oh, whatever. My turn to spin." And spin she did. And she spun the bottle so hard, and so fast, that it ripped open a wormhole in time and space, and pulled through a new person. Who the bottle then landed on.(Chibiroth:Seriously? That's how you add characters to this story? Me: Shut up, I'd like to see you do better!)

"Oh. Um, okay, new guy, truth or dare?"

"Uh...what? Truth, I guess, but...what?"

"Who the Pulse are you?!"

"Noel. Noel Kreiss. Who are you?"

A round of introductions were made, before Noel pulled another chair over, and joined the game.(A/N: Just so we are clear, this is a Noel from before the events of FFXIII-2. A lot less serious, and a touch more playful.)

"It's my turn, right?" After Yuj nodded, Noel reached into the center, and span the bottle-fortunately for the universe, no new cracks in time and space were created that required the intervention of Etro to fix. The bottle landed on Vanille.

"Oh, um, truth!"

"Uh, okay," Noel sweatdropped silently. How cheerful was this girl? "Um, who was the first person you kissed properly?"

"Ah... that would be Fang. Okay, my turn!"

Once again, the bottle spun in a circle, this time landing on Lightning.(again) Remembering her last dare, Lightning immediately blurted out "Truth!" without heed for the consequences.

"Okay! Tell me...have you ever seen the nargles?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HOPERAI~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Okay, I shall end this chapter here. For those who understand the reference...good for you. You know a widely acknowledged and publicised book series which has achieved world fame and been translated into...what, twenty different languages? At least. For those who don't get it... what rock have you been living under since...1995, was it? 97? I can't remember. If anyone does know, stick it in a review and tell me. Why did I end the story on that line? Because I'm the one writing this, and what I say goes, so NYAAA!

Chibiroth: That...was childish.

Me: Oh, go suck an egg!

ChibiLoz: Hey! Don't be mean to big brother!

Me: What the hell? I thought I used the powers of the Pandorica to send you to an alternate dimension.

The Doctor: Ah, yes. Well, that would happen. See, when I reset the universe, everything that had left came back, and everything brought in vanished. Sorry!

Me: The unholy Pulsian sheep-nuggets? *sigh* This is my brain, folks. Do not feed it. Do not go into it's enclosure. And for the love of Gallifrey, don't sic a plot bunny on it! But feel free to review. Those are used to power the machines that stop it from causing an inverse dot unimatrix reverse sequence in the fabric of time and space, thus causing the universe to implode in The Big Crunch! Yay, science jargon! But REVIEW! Pwease? *sets Yeul on a high plank above a shark tank* Or I'll drop her! MWAHAHAHAHA!


End file.
